Why am I so terrified of waking?
He’s gone and i feel i’ve been forsaken.
In sleep is the only place i get to see him; get to love him.
See this is why i don’t fuck with my own emotions really.
I haven’t felt that way…felt this way, since that whole ordeal my junior year in high school, and thats how you know its real. I hate it.
I HATE IT.
I just feel so…
…not powerless, but out of control.
Its just raw, unfiltered emotion and it makes my head spin and i dont like it,
I DONT LIKE IT AT ALL.
I just start feeling so out of control that i can’t believe that im feeling the way that i feel. Its a bit scary.
What am I supposed to do? Just let that emotion out and into the world? NO
THIS is why i repress so much, because underneath i am a VERY emotional person. very. which is why i have an opinion on EVERYTHING. It may be an unspoken opinion, but whenever i answer “I dont care” its because i don’t want everyone to know how i feel, and when i say “I don’t know.” its because I’m afraid to look deeper to see how i actually feel because my own emotions are just to raw for me to handle. If i were to just “say how i feel” like everyone says i should, i would be labeled a wreck. an emotional catastrophe.
If im happy, then im REALLY happy.
If i’m sad, then im REALLY, REALLY sad.
If i’m angry, run for the damn hills cause no one is getting out alive.
and I can’t be like that, its not normal, and thats why i dont like feeling the way i do right now because i am literally at war with myself. My emotions are trying to escape, and i’m fighting to keep them back.
I need to stay in control.